Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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