Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
