i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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