Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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