he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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