My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
