you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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