hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
