I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
