I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
