I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
