guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
