I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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