Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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