You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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