Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
