im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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