I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
