If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's the barista slut.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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