your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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