Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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