the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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