So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
