I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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