i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
bring money and cleavage
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
