benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
