I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
