i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
