If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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