I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
