This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
