I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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