well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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