I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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