so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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