i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
