please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
