I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
