Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
