you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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