I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
