she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
