So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Screwed.edu
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
