if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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