It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
