I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
