who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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