Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
