judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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