It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
