were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize