he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
