I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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