Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
