I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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