I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will be naked everywhere
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
