Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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