if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
