I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
