I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
