he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
