Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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