Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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