i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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