Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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