i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
