we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
