All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
